Work Smart, Not Hard

Nothing University: Work Hard, Not Smart Program
Degree: Bachelor of Hustleology (B.H.)
Official Motto: “Why think when you can sweat?”

Program Overview

This rigorous program is designed for individuals who believe in raw effort over pesky things like logic, strategy, or efficiency. At Nothing University, we teach you to work harder than anyone else—even if it means doing everything the long way around. Say goodbye to shortcuts and hello to unnecessary exhaustion!

Year 1: Foundation of Overexertion

Course 101: The Art of Doing It Twice

• Learn to skip planning altogether and dive into tasks headfirst.
• Module: “Measure Never, Cut Thrice.”

Course 102: Procrastination: The Longest Path to the Deadline

• Explore how to leave everything until the last minute and make up for it with frantic, unfocused energy.
• Final Exam: Write a 10,000-word paper overnight with no research or preparation.

Course 103: Overcomplication for Beginners

• Study how to solve simple problems in the most convoluted way possible.
• Group Project: Use only spoons to build a bookshelf.

Year 2: Advanced Inefficiency

Course 201: Sweat Equity: Why Simplicity Is for Quitters

• Develop techniques for exhausting yourself on tasks that could’ve been automated.
• Fieldwork: Handwrite 500 letters instead of sending one email.

Course 202: Multitasking Like a Maniac

• Master the art of juggling 15 tasks at once, poorly.
• Case Study: Simultaneously cook spaghetti, fix a leaky pipe, and assemble IKEA furniture.

Course 203: The Glory of Burnout

• Delve into the philosophy of working until you collapse, and why that’s the only way to feel accomplished.
• Guest Lecture: “Why Sleep Is Overrated” by Dr. Espresso McZombie.

Year 3: Hardcore Hustling

Course 301: Repetition as Innovation

• Study how to repeat failed methods, expecting different results.
• Hands-On Lab: Spend three weeks digging a hole and filling it back up.

Course 302: Meetings About Meetings

• Learn to schedule endless meetings with no purpose or outcomes.
• Final Project: Plan a 3-hour meeting to decide what color pens to order.

Course 303: Life Without Delegation

• Understand why trusting others is a weakness.
• Capstone: Run a fake company entirely by yourself, then complain about being overworked.

Year 4: Mastery of Mismanagement

Course 401: Technology? No Thanks!

• Embrace ancient methods and reject helpful tools.
• Midterm: Wash 100 loads of laundry by hand.

Course 402: The Emotional Toll of Overworking

• Explore how to make yourself (and everyone around you) miserable by refusing to work smarter.
• Group Therapy Session: “Crying Is Just Sweat From Your Eyes.”

Course 403: Graduation Prep: Overachieving Underachievers

• Plan the most needlessly elaborate graduation ceremony.
• Thesis: 50-page paper on “How I Overcame Efficiency and Still Got Things Done.”

Electives

• Extreme Paperclip Organization: Spend hours sorting paperclips by color and size.
• Overpacking 101: Learn to pack for a weekend trip as if it’s a month-long expedition.
• DIY Everything: Build a toaster from scratch instead of buying one.

Dean’s Closing Remarks:
At Nothing University, we believe in grit over wit, hustle over brains, and working yourself to the bone for tasks that didn’t need to be done in the first place. Remember: If you’re not sweating, are you even trying?